The Rule Of Three

Close friendships come from at least three ongoing connections. Finding yourselves living next door to each other could be the first. This is an acquaintance. You then may end up in a small group together, and assuming you enjoy each other’s company, this is where you will upgrade to “friends.” Later a third thing happens, like your spouses start hanging out or you go on an adventure together and, if everything jives, you’ve then met the table stakes to become close friends. Yes, there are exceptions, but usually if we want to have a closer connection with someone we start investing in that third connection.

Healthy spiritual growth also requires three connections. First, there’s the large group (a.k.a. the Sunday service). This is where we respond to God’s invitation to hear his word, offer worship, and participate in gospel life and sacraments. The fact that these sometimes feel boring is proof that there’s still something dead inside us, and this often includes the people leading the service. Second, there’s the small group where we gather with friends to push each other on how it would look if we lived like we believed what we heard on Sunday. As Tim Keller puts it, we learn the words in the large group and we learn the music in small groups.

Finally, there’s the group of two. This is you experiencing the presence of God, individually, and it happens through the Holy Spirit living in you and making you alive to spiritual realities. Now you can probably fake it in the large and small groups, but you can’t fake it here. Healthy faith has to include this one on one connection with Jesus.

So what should I do today?  Set your timer for two minutes and ask God to show you where he wants to connect with you. You probably already know the answer but sit with him for a bit and see what he says. When your timer goes off, hit repeat and ask him to heal that part of you that has kept you from doing that up to this point. 

The difference in your spiritual growth will be like the difference between gas station coffee seeping through a cheap drip filter and Italian espresso being forced with pressure: darker, richer, stronger.

The author of Hebrews said it all more succinctly. "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching" (Hebrews 10:23-25).